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Politicking's better half
Friday, Sept. 24, 2010
 Click here to enlarge this photo Staff photo by CARRIE LOVEJOY
Rosha Lollar celebrates with fellow supporters of her husband, Charles, as primary results come in. Lollar is the Republican candidate for Congress in Maryland's 5th district.
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Running for political office, and then carrying out the duties of that office, are huge commitments. Candidates must determine, long before that first public appearance or fundraising letter, just how willing they are to make personal and professional sacrifices, for the sake of the office and the people they may be elected to serve.
Are they willing to show up for every neighborhood parade and tense town hall meeting, to have people from across their districts contacting them at home, at restaurants and on vacation? Are they willing to eat, sleep and breathe politics?
The ones voters see, the ones who have made the decision to pursue public office, have evaluated their plans and goals and determined that all the effort and exhaustion and lack of privacy are worthwhile sacrifices in return for a successful campaign on their community. They're ready. They're enthusiastic. They're pumped.
Often, they're also married. What is it like to be a political spouse?
According to Pam Bailey, wife of longtime Charles County school board member Collins A. Bailey, who was defeated in the Republican primary last week in his bid for the 5th District seat in the U.S. House of Representatives, "the campaign is a whole family effort. Every election that Collins has been in has been a family decision and we all support each other in our many different activities."
Pam Bailey knew she was marrying a politically minded person early on. For other spouses, that was not always entirely clear, perhaps even to the future candidates themselves.
"After dating him, I knew he was political," said Maria Morgan, whose husband, Todd, is running for District 4 county commissioner in St. Mary's. He will face St. Mary's school board member Mary M. Washington (D) in November. Neither had an opponent in the primary.
According to Eddie Washington, Mary's husband, when they met as students in a physics class at the University of Maryland, she was not politically minded at all.
"That developed once we got here [to St. Mary's County]," he said.
Politics is a natural conversation topic for just about everyone during a hotly contested election season in which even the smallest contest might be interpreted as a bellwether for national sentiment, but occasionally even those down in the trenches of the campaign need to step back, take a break and talk about the rest of life.
"We try not to talk about politics a lot," said Maria Morgan." When it was just us discussing everybody else and how they conduct business, it was enjoyable, but now it's different."
Rosha Lollar and her husband, Charles, running as a Republican to represent Maryland's 5th District in Congress, talk frequently about politics "even with our daughters," Rosha Lollar said. "We want them to understand politics at an early age."
Steve Kullen and his wife, Sue, a Democratic state delegate in Calvert County, were not particularly politically involved when they met in college. "We were typical 20-year-olds," Steve Kullen said. "We talk politics now more than when we were 30. It's more important [now] than it was then."
Though most candidates and their spouses share similar political views and opinions, there's no guarantee husband and wife will always be on the same page about every issue. Still, the chance to bounce ideas off a spouse can help candidates determine where they stand on complicated issues, and even on basic choices such as political affiliation.
"When we met he was a Republican, but he had no idea why. When I talked with him about his core values, he was a Democrat and didn't even know it," said Diana Rucci, whose husband, Bobby, is running for county commissioner in Charles County's 4th District. Eventually, Rucci not only convinced her husband to register as a Democrat, she encouraged him to run for office and now serves as campaign manager, keeping volunteers focused and on task during the run for commissioner. He won last week's primary over three opponents and will take on Republican Don Derencin in the general election.
To most spouses, however, the transition from interested voter to political candidate is what Steve Kullen called "a natural progression." The candidates get more informed about issues, more connected to members of the broader community, and more involved in public affairs until running for office is not a leap into a strange, new life. It's just the next step.
There's plenty of hands-on effort for political spouses, as well. According to Sue Kullen, her husband's duties include "doing the campaign finance report and … after work he goes out for the sixth time to put up campaign signs."
As a regular companion on the campaign trail, Rosha Lollar is used to being seen as "the ear of the candidate."
"Charles often says in his speeches that we are best friends (yes, we really are!)," Rosha Lollar wrote in an e-mail. "That, plus the fact that I'm often by his side … if they tell me something, they take for granted that it's the same as telling him."
Though Eddie Washington said that few people approach him to pass information or requests on to his wife, there is still plenty of support work he can do as what he called, "her No. 1 supporter. She's the one out there meeting people and learning their issues, so whatever needs to be done, that's my role."
According to Steve Kullen, it's all about having priorities. "During the campaign, that's the priority, but you don't want to burn out. You take timeouts, even if it's just dinner out together," he said. "I like to be the support person. I like to drag the wagon. The most important thing is to be patient and supportive and not take things too seriously."
What sorts of things?
Sue Kullen said in an e-mail that in addition to coordinating sign locations, and addressing birthday card envelopes and thank you letters for campaign contributors, her husband has one more duty only the husband of a public figure can truly appreciate: "I'm very happy he does not mind being called ‘Mr. Sue Kullen.'"
Maria Morgan spoke of having to find a balance among family responsibilities, career duties, her own volunteer efforts in the community and making time to be available for public appearances with her husband as he campaigns.
"Of course they want to meet Todd, since he's the one they're electing, but they want to see the home life. They want to know, does your spouse support you?" Morgan said. "I'm surprised how involved I have to be … it's almost expected that you're both there. I just joke with him that I want a clothing allowance and matching duct tape for every outfit, so I won't say anything that will come back to bite him."
Like many political couples, the Morgans have learned that communicating what's on the schedule and who has to be there for each event is a challenge, but one that can't be ignored, especially since they still have children living at home.
"I tell my wife we should have note cards, just carry note cards around for each other all day long, that say, ‘I told you this. I told you, you had to be there for that,'" said Todd Morgan. "It's hard to remember everything, but it works out."
For Rucci, it's not what you have to do, so much as what you have to give up, that sometimes stings.
"We had a week's vacation, and he had to cut it by four days" because of campaign demands, Diana Rucci said. "I can't ask our friends and family to attend one more thing, since they've given so much to Bobby's campaign. But if one year I have to sacrifice for something he believes in, that's a no-brainer. I said, ‘If you're in, I'm in all the way. Let's do this.'"
Though contentious couples like Mary Matalin and James Carville are fun to watch, most political pairings are between couples who agree on most issues, and see the world in similar ways. That makes being a supportive spouse and campaign partner easier to manage.
"I always support the things she does because it's always positive," said Chris Davis, whose wife, Debra, is running for Charles County commissioner in District 2. She won her Democratic primary and will take on Richard A. Campbell in November. "That's what attracted me to her. She's always been in the community, doing things for youth."
Beyond the obligations and scheduling issues, the demands on personal and family time, and the need to think carefully before speaking, political spouses do get some unexpected perks with the role.
The main one? An in-depth education in the way their district is run, the issues that affect their neighbors and the impact an official can have on the community. Sometimes even the candidates themselves don't realize just how big the job is, until they're running for it.
"I know [Patuxent River Naval Air Station] and contracting. But visiting some of the parts of the county farther out, a lot of people don't," Todd Morgan said. "Those people need to know about what's going on on base, about those issues, and I need to know about their issues, too."
Some political spouses feel inspired to campaign not just for their darling candidate, but for all citizens to learn more about how the system works.
"I was into politics but not at the level that I am now," Chris Davis said. "Now I'm trying to get people involved, to not sit on the sidelines but know what's going on, so you have some input."
That desire to draw others into the process does not necessarily mean political spouses have dreams of a campaign of their own. Instead, they are committed to the background, to offering support and to picking up the slack at home. There's more than enough satisfaction out of the spotlight, and with the right attitude even an exhausting campaign season can have its own joys.
"For the most part, it's been a lot of fun. I've lived in this county since 1983 but since the campaign started I've enjoyed many events I'd never been to before. I've met new people," said Maria Morgan. "Before, I didn't challenge myself to go outside my social circle. Win or lose, there's no regret."
